Well, it has been almost a year, August 6th to be exact will be a year since my Momma's death and departure to the Lord's Heavenly Kingdom to be whole, painfree and to have eternal life and happiness with our Lord Jesus Christ. Do I still grieve for my Mother? Yes, very much so but I have somehow gained a little acceptance into my head but it has not reached my heart as of yet. I have to give credit and praise first, to my therapist. Secondly to a handful of close family members and a handful of faithful friends. For without the support system I have had, I could not have made it this far. To you wonderful God sent folks, I give thanks from the bottom of my heart. Those of you that know me, know how deeply connected I was to my Mother. Not only did she give me life but she gave so much more. I am blessed to have had a wonderful Mother, confidante, best friend, companion. Thank you Lord! There is not anything that I can say to tell you what she has meant to me. I have never felt more alone than the months that has passed since she left me to have been so surrounded by people, I still felt alone. Just her presence alone made me complete. I remember telling my Momma a long time ago and many times" what will I do when you leave me, I will just die Momma" and she would tell me" Pam, you have those Grandbabies to love and you are a strong person just like me, you will be alright". Wow, Momma, it did just about literally kill me losing you! But I know Momma, you were right, always right. I am strong and I have proven to be strong cause I did lose you and I still breathe. I tried to bargain with God to have you back but he did not losen His reigns on you, He had you and He didn't want to give you back, you were too good for this wicked world we live in. I still go to your grave often because that is your vessel and I have loved this vessel my whole life. The Lord allowed me to have that vessel to call my own for 41 years and your vessel is where I go to lay my head for comfort. Thank you Lord! Mom, you taught me some damn good things in my life and one is the desire to help people. I am going to pursue a career in helping people. I always find good in every walking creature that the Lord sends my way. You instilled in me to see good in God's children. You were a terrific teacher Mom. Thank you for the smile Mom, I just saw it. I only hope that God will transform me to be the person that you always knew I could be and to strengthen me body and soul. I continue to miss you, grieve for you but my dreams of you tell me you are worried over me. I will continue to heal with your angelic hands upon my head and remember your big smiles, especially in early morning when I awoke at your house. You were in so much pain for so long but you continued to smile and greet the day like it was the last day of your life. I pray to be more like you and somehow I have started to appreciate that a new day is dawning. I never thought I would ever feel that way again after losing you but YOU Momma are still with me holding my hand like always Momma, caressing my brow, holding me, loving me, believing in me. Now I know why He took you and left me, He knew you were an angel and I would have to wait to get my own wings one day to be the person you have been in this life. No one quite measures up to you Mom. Yes, I am partial and believe there is not another living creature like you. You are with God's angels and I know you would not come back to me for you deserved your wings in heaven. Momma, to have been so poor in our life, we were truly blessed with many riches. You gave so much of yourself to me and many others. I have been so truly, truly blessed in this life. Today, I just wanted to give thanks to you Momma and the Lord for allowing me the time I had with you. You have been an inspiration to me and for all the good things you have taught me and the love you showered upon me, I am the richest person alive. It is not wealth that one should seek, it is the love of a Mother like you. For with you I have been richly blessed and loved. I am overflowing with love for Our Lord today Momma cause He gave you to me. Momma, until I meet you at the gates in heaven, I will miss you, love you and live my life in honor of you my dear sweet Mother for you have been totally the best. My arms ache to hold you once again but I know the Lord is holding you and that is all that matters to me. Fly high Momma. You deserve it. I can just see you smiling with those big teeth of yours. LOL! Bye for now Momma. I will one day be within your reach again. I love, love you bunches and bunches forever and ever. Amen